{"id":6663,"date":"2011-05-31T06:01:39","date_gmt":"2011-05-31T13:01:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=6663"},"modified":"2011-05-30T19:41:12","modified_gmt":"2011-05-31T02:41:12","slug":"the-bully-and-the-new-kid","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=6663","title":{"rendered":"The Bully and The New Kid"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a rel=\"attachment wp-att-6664\" href=\"https:\/\/svapm.org\/the-bully-and-the-new-kid\/bully-and-the-new-kid-2\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-6664\" src=\"https:\/\/svapm.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/05\/bully-and-the-new-kid-2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"249\" height=\"202\" \/><\/a>When I was young, my family moved around a lot.\u00a0 Not until high school did I attend the same school two years in a row.\u00a0 When you are the new kid, you inevitably meet the welcoming committee:\u00a0 the class bully and his minions. Having to deal with these encounters year after year, I found I used a number of techniques to address these situations.\u00a0 The resulting interactions undoubtedly influence my reactions, even to this day.\u00a0 They also can provide wonderful insight into workplace behavior.<\/p>\n<p>In thinking about this topic, it strikes me how my son, who is now in fourth grade, has not been in a fist fight at school, ever.\u00a0 His school prides itself on collaboration and non-violent conflict resolution.\u00a0 There are adult supervisors present on the playground, and they actively promote inclusion behavior and suppress exclusion behavior.\u00a0 As such, the school has eliminated cliques, and there is neither bullying nor school-yard scraps.\u00a0 This is not the world that I grew up in.<\/p>\n<p>There is something about the new kid that attracts the attention of the class bully. The bully will make himself known to the new kid, and he always comes surrounded by followers, two, three, four or more.\u00a0 The bully and his gang confront, and the new kid reacts. There are a number of ways that a school kid can react: run, hide, ignore, fight to win, fight to lose, joke around, join the gang and more.\u00a0 Looking back, I have tried all these techniques. Some worked effectively, ultimately ending the bullying, and some actually promoted more bullying.<\/p>\n<p>One poignant second grade memory I have was when a bully was promoting a fight between a minion and me. I redirected, bypassed the minion, and fought directly with the bully.\u00a0 This was a \u201cfair\u201d fight, no biting, no hair-pulling, no kicking, and no punches below the belt.\u00a0 I fought hard, but eventually lost the fight to the bigger kid.\u00a0 The next day, when one of the minions confronted me to pick another fight, the bully leader told him, \u201cNah, just leave him alone.\u201d\u00a0 I may have lost that battle, but the war had been won \u2013 no more bullying that year.<\/p>\n<p>What causes the bully to behave the way he or she does?\u00a0 How do the reactions to the bully\u2019s overtures influence the outcome? And, how have these childhood interactions influenced our behaviors in the adult world?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I was young, my family moved around a lot.\u00a0 Not until high school did I attend the same school [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1485,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6663","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellaneous"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6663","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1485"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6663"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6663\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6663"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6663"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6663"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}