Previous blog, we talked about how to better understand what others are actually conveying to your through both their words and actions.\u00a0 Today, we will actually “walk the talk”.\u00a0 These are some examples — based on yesterday’s goal, on how to actually accomplish those concepts.<\/p>\n
Please let me know if they are helpful to you.<\/p>\n
Putting this into practice:<\/strong><\/p>\n So \u2013 how can I put this into practice?\u00a0 How can I give people the benefit of the doubt but on my own terms and in a way that makes me feel good?<\/p>\n Example 1:\u00a0 Family or Friend is constantly borrowing money.<\/p>\n Teach them to fish.\u00a0 By this I mean assist them to become independent.\u00a0 If they are having trouble with their budget, recommend a financial advisor, a life coach, or someone that can assist them with their financial plans.\u00a0 Brainstorm with them on how to find a job (or a better job).\u00a0 Send them 2nd<\/sup> job leads.\u00a0 Offer to assist with a garage sale of their unused items.\u00a0 Mentor them with any training they need to achieve a higher paying job.\u00a0 There are many ways to assist them to independently acquire the money that they desire.\u00a0 These may not be the things they are asking you for, so there is a very good chance that they may not show any appreciation for this level of assistance.\u00a0 But if they are ready to be independent, they will appreciate your thoughtfulness and take you upon your offer.\u00a0 If they are not ready to stand on their own, they will bother someone else for a hand-out.\u00a0 Either way, you have given them the benefit of the doubt, and on your own terms.<\/p>\n Example 2:\u00a0 Family or Friend is constantly late and often makes you late.<\/p>\n Detach your schedule from theirs.\u00a0\u00a0 Take separate cars.\u00a0 Take you own movie ticket. \u00a0Start the meeting or program at the predefined time.\u00a0 \u00a0Set it up such that you can accomplish your goals independent of his\/her schedule.\u00a0 If they arrive in time to share the event with you, you are delighted.\u00a0 If they arrive late or miss it entirely, you are still enjoying the event.\u00a0 Either way, you have given them the benefit of the doubt, and on your own terms.<\/p>\n Example 3: Family or Friend often doesn\u2019t even show up.<\/p>\n Agree to meet them, but don\u2019t go out of your way to meet with them.\u00a0 Select meeting places in which you are already planning to be or have a purpose at.\u00a0 Then announce that you will already be at this location and will leave at a certain time.\u00a0 If they arrive in time, you will really enjoy seeing and playing with them.\u00a0 If he\/she doesn\u2019t turn up by that time, just move onto your next task.\u00a0 Also select places such that if the person does not show, you will still have a great time and will not resent the no-show.\u00a0 Either way, you have given them the benefit of the doubt, and on your own terms.<\/p>\n Example 4: Family or Friend often agrees to a certain plan of action and then doesn\u2019t do it (or does something entirely different)<\/p>\n This is difficult.\u00a0 It depends how \u201cimportant\u201d the task, plan, or outstanding goal is.\u00a0\u00a0 Getting it in writing is often a good idea; although having it in writing doesn\u2019t seem to encourage or inspire certain people to follow-through.\u00a0 If their execution or part of the plan is really important to you, back away.\u00a0 Find the right person to partner with.\u00a0 This person may be a nice but is not a good match for this particular project.<\/p>\n If their role in the goal isn\u2019t of particular consequence to you (you don\u2019t care \u00a0whether his\/her piece gets done), then use the plan to accomplish what you want to accomplish and move on.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about their piece of the project.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0You might enjoy their companionship along your journey and they might provide some good accountability partnership for your inspired action and piece of the plan.\u00a0 You can still appreciate their humor, perspective, and easy going attitude while you accomplish your part.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0But just acknowledge (and be at ease) with the possibility that they won\u2019t do their end of the project. Either way, you have given them the benefit of the doubt, and on your own terms.<\/p>\n Example 5: Family or Friend is often out of integrity so it\u2019s \u201ctit for tat\u201d.<\/p>\n It\u2019s very tempting to treat people the way they treat us.\u00a0 If someone is normally late, then I will just arrive late and compromise my integrity.\u00a0 If someone agrees to do something and then does something totally different and even the opposite of what we agreed \u2013 then I can do the same to him\/her and compromise my integrity.\u00a0 It\u2019s extremely tempting to treat people like they treat us.\u00a0\u00a0 And when we first encounter something we don\u2019t\u2019 like, it\u2019s natural to immediately react and respond in like.\u00a0\u00a0 But those knee-jerk reactions (and we all have them) doesn\u2019t benefit us in the long run.\u00a0 Independent of what anyone else does, we still want to be true to our word.\u00a0 We still take our word seriously.<\/p>\n One recommendation is to try to take a step back.\u00a0 \u00a0This is difficult to do, especially when you are in the midst of the \u201chappening\u201d. So \u2013 maybe disengage from the situation for awhile to allow the time and space to think this through.<\/p>\n Once away from the situation, take everyone else out of the picture.\u00a0 Decide \u2013 independent of how they are acting and regardless of what is happening right now \u2013 how do I really want to lead in this situation.\u00a0 What is my inner guidance telling me about this?\u00a0 Is there another way to look at this situation and come up with a different perspective \u2013 one that gives them the benefit of the doubt and on my terms?\u00a0 Maybe there\u2019s a different perspective that will lead me to a higher ground or higher level solution.<\/p>\n It may take me awhile, but when I do the above, I finally realize that this incident it not really important enough to truly affect who I am and where I am headed.\u00a0 Who I want to be and act is larger than this one incident.\u00a0 Once again \u2013 it may take me awhile to get to this place, but that\u2019s okay as well.\u00a0 It\u2019s a natural progression. I\u2019m a work in progress. And I know I can get to this realization much faster with practice.<\/p>\n Example 6:\u00a0 They are in the wrong.\u00a0 They need to compensate me or at least apologize to me.<\/p>\n This is a lesson I also need to continually remind myself. \u00a0\u00a0In fact, I just did this recently and it is the catalyst for this article.<\/p>\n I know that when I feel mistreated, I get off track and spend energy trying to get \u201cthem\u201d to understand the inconvenience \u201cthey\u201d have put me through. \u00a0Eventually I realize that they may have inconvenienced me at that moment.\u00a0 Although they may have slowed my progress or lessened my happiness at that moment, that moment is actually in the past.\u00a0 And the only person that is slowing my progress and resisting my happiness \u201cnow\u201d is me.\u00a0 I\u2019m continually bringing the moment into the present by focusing my attention and energy on it.<\/p>\n Depending upon the particular incident, it may take me awhile to release the incident and realize that in the big picture of things, my prosperity and happiness isn\u2019t gated or controlled by this one event.\u00a0 Once again, it may take me awhile, but I know I can get to this point faster with practice.<\/p>\n Conclusion:<\/strong><\/p>\n At the start of this journey we focused on \u201cwhat other people are saying or doing\u201d \u2013 but we actually ended up with \u201cwhat we are saying or doing\u201d.\u00a0 We all have inner knowledge and guidance.\u00a0 Like static on a phone line, sometimes we get distracted from that guidance by all the noise and actions coming from others.\u00a0 Taking a quite step back allows us to get back to what really matters to us.\u00a0 Taking everyone else out of the picture helps focus us on who we really want to be, do or have.<\/p>\n In the end, it always comes back to us.\u00a0 We have the power to decide and design who we really want to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We\u2019ve heard saying like \u201cIt\u2019s not what you say, but how you say it\u201d; \u201cActions speak louder than words\u201d; \u201cIt\u2019s not what you way, but how you feel when you say it.\u201d After an incident this past week, I totally agree with all of those statements more than ever. Why?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1508,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,20,6,9,1,857,847,848,849],"tags":[195,39,33,64,1370,17,54],"class_list":["post-6420","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-leadership","category-quality","category-communications","category-risk-management","category-miscellaneous","category-pmbok-process-closing","category-self-leadership","category-1-1-leadership","category-team-leadership","tag-accountability","tag-best-practices","tag-common-sense","tag-communication","tag-leadership","tag-lessons-learned","tag-soft-skills"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6420","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1508"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6420"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6420\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6420"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6420"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6420"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}