{"id":6047,"date":"2011-03-03T02:09:47","date_gmt":"2011-03-03T09:09:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=6047"},"modified":"2011-02-26T15:47:18","modified_gmt":"2011-02-26T22:47:18","slug":"who-and-what-matter-most","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=6047","title":{"rendered":"Who and What Matter Most to Your Family?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Continuing our exploration into envisioning your family’s fabulous future . . .<\/p>\n

Step 3. WHAT MATTERS? <\/strong>According to a blizzard of studies, and my own observations of human beings over the past 50 years, the #1 that reason people don\u2019t achieve their goals is that they don\u2019t have goals. One reason? Fear of failure drives people to avoid clear goal-setting, or entices them into settling for fuzzy, ambiguous goals. Another cause of this aversion to goal-setting is the assumption something is impossible just because we don\u2019t know how it might be achieved when we first imagine a goal.<\/p>\n

Many things seem impossible when they\u2019re merely difficult, or when the path to the goal is hidden to us. But it\u2019s no different from setting out on a drive across town. You can\u2019t see your destination when you first start driving, but you set out in that direction nonetheless, confident that you\u2019ll find a way to reach your goal. Things don\u2019t always go smoothly, of course. If there\u2019s a traffic jam, you route around it. If a bridge is out, you take a detour.<\/p>\n

Well, is works the same way in other parts of your life. You don\u2019t need to know exactly how a dream might be attained, or even if it\u2019s possible, to start the journey towards it. And you can more than double your chances of success just by making sure that you and your family have shared, meaningful, and measurable goals \u2013 clear goals , as clear as sunlight.\u00a0 Having a goal influences how our brain works, what we pay attention to, what we notice. We\u2019re surrounded by opportunities that we\u2019re blind to. Having a clear goal is like telling a fish \u201cHey, you\u2019re surrounded by water!\u201d Suddenly the fish can see the water that was invisible to them before. Your goals will help you notice anything that crosses your path that can help you achieve those goals. Oh, and often times achieving even part of a big, bold, audacious goal is plenty success to surprise and delight us, so set your sights on a big goal and go for partial credit!<\/p>\n

EXERCISE: Ask \u201cIf anything were possible, what would we create as a family?\u201d Have fun talking about your wildest goals and dreams. One way to do this is to imagine it\u2019s 10 years later and you\u2019re celebrating your outrageous success as a family. Wahoo! After you\u2019ve enjoyed talking about the fabulous possibilities, finish by making a collage together of pictures that represent the essence of your fabulous future as a family. Don\u2019t think too hard about what pictures and words you include, just \u201cgrab what grabs you\u201d, and integrate everyone\u2019s favorite pictures into your family collage.<\/p>\n

Make it measurable!<\/p>\n

EXERCISE: Create your Family Success Scorecard. As you clarify your measures of success you will reap two benefits. First, you\u2019ll dramatically increase the clarity of your goals. Second, you\u2019ll find that the means to achieve these goals starts to become clear as well. To create your success measures start with your stakeholder analysis. What will each of your most important stakeholders be saying when you\u2019re enjoying fabulous success as a family? Will your parents say \u201cWe\u2019re so delighted that you\u2019re able to come visit us during the holidays.\u201d? If so, your success scorecard would include \u201cSpend time with family every year\u201d. Will your spouse say \u201cI\u2019m glad we\u2019re saving for our kid\u2019s education so far in advance.\u201d? Then perhaps your scorecard would include \u201cSave $XX amount for college every month.\u201d Will your kids say \u201cIt\u2019s awesome that we have so much fun together!\u201d? Maybe you\u2019re scorecard has something like \u201cWeekly family fun night\u201d on it. Whatever your measures of success, make sure that you would have reason to celebrate if every measure was attained. Double check that you haven\u2019t left anything crucial out. To do this, ask yourself \u201cIf all of these measures of success were achieved, what would be missing that might cause me regret?\u201d If there\u2019s nothing, then you\u2019re done!<\/p>\n

Step 4. WHO AND WHAT MATTERS MOST? <\/strong>How do we make the difficult tradeoffs among our family\u2019s competing priorities? Unless you have unlimited money, time and other resources, you will need to make trade offs in how you spend limited resources.\u00a0 Who are your most important stakeholders? What are our most important goals? When push comes to shove, how will we decide who and what gets priority? This is harder that it first sounds. Some people compare it to choosing between your heart, lungs and kidneys.<\/p>\n

Naturally it\u2019s easier to say \u201cEveryone is equally important.\u201d, but practically speaking that\u2019s just not true. For example, do you stay in the local area because you have aging parents nearby even though you have a chance for a better job elsewhere? In that case your parents are a higher priority than you. Or do you live in a certain neighborhood so that your kids can go to a better school, even though the parents would prefer to live closer to work? In this case the kids are prioritized higher than the adults. Whether or not we take the time to make our priorities explicit, they are driving our decision-making. Take time to struggle through these exercises and you\u2019ll find a new clarity in your decisions about where to spend your precious time and money.<\/p>\n

EXERCISE: Prioritize your top 3 to 5 most important stakeholders, labeling them clearly on the stakeholder map you made in the previous exercise. The easiest way to start is to eliminate those stakeholders who are clearly NOT the most important. Next identify the ones most likely to be among your top stakeholders. Then compare your top stakeholders 2 at a time, asking yourself \u201cIf I had to choose between disappointing one of them, which would I disappoint?\u201d Which ones you consider most carefully when you make important decisions as a family? As you talk through the prioritization you will probably start to realize what criteria you are using to make these decisions, such as those who depend on you most, or those who mean the most to you. Make a note of these criteria \u2013 like riding a bike, most of the time we don\u2019t think about our prioritization criteria as we make decisions, but they drive our choices invisibly.<\/p>\n

This same prioritization approach can be used to prioritize your Family Success Scorecard Criteria. Of course you\u2019d like to achieve success in every area, and that\u2019s certainly the goal. But sometimes you will need to decide among competing goals. If you take a lavish vacation, will that be sacrificing your child\u2019s chance to go to college? If you postpone your dreams of traveling the world until retirement, will you risk deep regret if for some reason you\u2019re unable to travel later in life? Think long and hard about what matters to you, and the relative priorities of those matters. Your daily decisions shape your life as surely as the oceans carve the beaches of our planet.<\/p>\n

EXERCISE: Prioritize the items on your Family Success Scorecard. One fun way to do this is to imagine that you\u2019re celebrating your 80th<\/sup> birthday (many people live vibrantly into their 80s these days). As you\u2019re surrounded by family and friends on this momentous occasion, what would you most like to be able to say as you look back on your life with your family? These should be at the top of your list. Double check your prioritization against your stakeholder priorities. The most important success criteria should line up with your top priority stakeholders. If they don\u2019t go back and check whether your prioritization of your family\u2019s stakeholders really makes sense.<\/p>\n

EXERCISE, NOT READING, BUILDS MUSCLE! <\/strong>Create your family success scorecard and prioritize stakeholders and success criteria. Success springs from the 3 Ms – Map, Measure, Manage!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Continuing our exploration into envisioning your family’s fabulous future . . . Step 3. WHAT MATTERS? According to a blizzard […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[852],"tags":[901,681,906,593,907],"class_list":["post-6047","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-pmbok-process","tag-family","tag-future","tag-scorecard","tag-stakeholders","tag-success-criteria"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6047","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6047"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6047\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6047"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6047"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6047"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}