{"id":5658,"date":"2011-04-14T01:50:56","date_gmt":"2011-04-14T08:50:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=5658"},"modified":"2011-03-18T16:22:04","modified_gmt":"2011-03-18T23:22:04","slug":"most-things-are-not-what-they-seem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=5658","title":{"rendered":"Most things are not what they seem"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Raleigh certainly had a white Christmas this year (2010).\u00a0 The previous Raleigh Christmas (Dec 25th<\/sup>) snow was in 1947.\u00a0 When I was walking around in it on Saturday, Dec 25th<\/sup> , 2010,\u00a0 it was amazing\u00a0\u00a0 It was great trying to catch it on my tongue.\u00a0 It was great seeing the white flakes come toward me as I drove in it in the darkness. \u00a0\u00a0It was simply magical.<\/p>\n

Sunday morning, seeing my driveway, lawn, streets, trees blanketed with the softness was almost spiritual.\u00a0 I wanted to both romp in it AND keep it pristine, undisturbed and beautiful. \u00a0I called several local friends and out-of-state folks to share and describe the beauty.<\/p>\n

By noon, I needed shovel off my driveway. \u00a0A friend reminded me that I rather shovel the soft, wet snow than a block of melted\/iced\/hard snow the next morning.\u00a0\u00a0 Shoveling it now would allow me to more easily travel on Monday.\u00a0\u00a0 So I worked hard to clear off a path to the street. \u00a0\u00a0The snow had not changed but did not have the same magical appeal as earlier.<\/p>\n

Sunday afternoon, I was busy rearranging my Monday morning meetings and lessons plans.\u00a0 I was changing face-to-face meetings to phone calls, and delaying my dance lessons until the afternoon.\u00a0 It resulted in several\u00a0 phone-tags and emails with several people.\u00a0 The coordination and confirmation churn required to confirm various appointments were slightly frustrating.<\/p>\n

Sunday evening when my dance venues started to cancel and I had no place to play \u2013 my attitude toward this entrapment changed again.<\/p>\n

Once again, the snow situation has not changed.\u00a0 But my outlook on the \u201cunchanged external events\u201d had.<\/p>\n

In the mist of all of this, I received an email from someone (let\u2019s call her Jane) telling me to contact someone else (let\u2019s call him John).\u00a0 She instructed\/demanded me to tell John that Jane cannot meet him for a business appointment until noon because of the snow.\u00a0 Maybe the snow was already annoying me or maybe I was just cranky \u2013 but my knee jerk response was \u201cWhy is it my responsibility to convey your message to him?\u201d\u00a0 I did not work for her.\u00a0 I was just someone that knew both Jane and John. So I righteously emailed Jane back telling her that I did not want the responsibility of \u201cgo-between\u201d and that she needs to contact John directly (to which I forward the guy\u2019s phone number and email address).\u00a0 I wrote that I didn\u2019t want to be blamed for John not getting Jane\u2019s message.<\/p>\n

Then I realized \u2013 well, I shouldn\u2019t let John get inconvenienced just because I\u2019m aggravated at Jane.\u00a0 So I begrudgingly decided to \u201cunofficially\u201d send an email and call John about the change in Jane\u2019s appointment calendar.\u00a0 I admitted to John in email that I was slightly irritated at being the go-between and that this was a one-time thing.\u00a0 But that he didn\u2019t deserve to be left standing in the cold just because I was aggravated.\u00a0 I also left a voice message on his phone.\u00a0 I tried to cover all the basis to get the message to him.<\/p>\n

When I was writing John, I then considered \u2013 \u201cOh, Jane was probably texting me from her cell phone.\u00a0 She did\u00a0 say that she was out-of-town.\u00a0 Maybe Jane wasn\u2019t using her email account.\u00a0 She was probably texting from her phone.\u00a0 Maybe Jane didn\u2019t have John\u2019s email or phone number on her phone.\u00a0 Perhaps she didn\u2019t have John\u2019s contact information on her or convenient.\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe she only had my contact info on her and was only able to text me (and not him).\u00a0\u00a0 Maybe I just reprimanded her for being considerate of John\u2019s time.\u00a0 Maybe she was trying to communicate to him the only way she could at the time \u2013 which was through me.\u00a0 Maybe \u2013 because she was texting, she didn\u2019t have the patience to text\/explain any of this.\u00a0 Therefore, her request seemed to come out as a demand and out of nowhere.\u00a0 OH CRAP<\/em><\/strong> \u2013 I owe Jane an apology.\u201d\u00a0 \u2026.which I wrote immediately.<\/p>\n

Once again \u2013 no external circumstances changed in this scenario.\u00a0 Jane\u2019s email to me didn\u2019t auto-magically change from the time I received it, had my knee-jerk response to the it,\u00a0 relayed the information to John and had my epiphany on what may have actually happened.\u00a0 Nothing changed except the way I looked at the event.<\/p>\n

Most times things are not what they seem<\/strong><\/p>\n

I promise to you that I do know better.\u00a0\u00a0 I know that things are rarely as they seem.\u00a0 It\u2019s just that at the moment they are occurring, we’re so caught up with “WHAT IS” that I don’t take the time to review what I know.\u00a0 So I sometimes forget to give folks the benefit of the doubt.\u00a0 Don Ruiz and his book \u201cthe Four Agreements\u201d is a great reminder of these things I consistently and temporarily forget. \u00a0Below is a quick summary.\u00a0 But if you haven\u2019t read him, please check the book out.\u00a0 It\u2019s great.<\/p>\n

The Four Agreements (summary from Don Ruiz\u2019s great book):<\/strong><\/p>\n

Be Impeccable with your word: <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Do what you say. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t take anything personally. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the options and actions of others, you won\u2019t be the victim of needless suffering.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t make Assumptions. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others so clearly as to avoid misunderstanding, sadness and drama. With this one agreement, you can transform your life.<\/p>\n

Always do your best. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid any feelings of self-judgment, self-abuse or regret.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Raleigh certainly had a white Christmas this year (2010).\u00a0 The previous Raleigh Christmas (Dec 25th) snow was in 1947.\u00a0 When […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1508,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,1,847],"tags":[51,33,64,17,54],"class_list":["post-5658","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communications","category-miscellaneous","category-self-leadership","tag-change-management","tag-common-sense","tag-communication","tag-lessons-learned","tag-soft-skills"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5658","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1508"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5658"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5658\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5658"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5658"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}