{"id":5173,"date":"2010-12-06T04:56:20","date_gmt":"2010-12-06T11:56:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=5173"},"modified":"2010-10-25T11:34:34","modified_gmt":"2010-10-25T18:34:34","slug":"%e2%80%9cjust-say-%e2%80%98no%e2%80%99%e2%80%9d-isn%e2%80%99t-as-simple-as-it-seems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=5173","title":{"rendered":"\u201cJust say \u2018No\u2019\u201d isn\u2019t as simple as it seems."},"content":{"rendered":"

Undoubted you’ve heard the advice “Just Say No”<\/em><\/strong> to things when you’re feeling overwhelmed.\u00a0 In actuality, saying “no”<\/strong><\/em> to life and its opportunities is a resistive, defensive\u00a0and negative attitude\u00a0producing additional\u00a0stress.\u00a0\u00a0This stress management presentation\u00a0shares fun, practical and life-changing tips on ways to say “YES” to things — on your own terms.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Visualize this scenario:\u00a0 You\u2019re a very busy mom or dad, a corporate manager, spouse and you raise funds for your community\u2019s charity.\u00a0 You receive daily requests from children, employees, spouse, and charity organizations.\u00a0 You not only have daily demands but daily desires in not only those areas, but your health and finances.<\/p>\n

Another client\u2019s complaint is: I don’t have a problem with assessing a task, etc. \u00a0My problem is that I<\/em> <\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>\"\"<\/a><\/em>
Yes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

have big ideas and there’s just too many that I’m working on.\u00a0 Note: \u00a0there is a queue and I do prioritize.\u00a0 \u00a0I guess I am impatient or realize the time is opportune and thus want to change priorities and continue with projects and add others – they are all viable and provide revenue.\u00a0 \u00a0These are my own pressures created by myself.<\/em><\/p>\n


\n<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
FYI: <\/span><\/em><\/strong>I have a workshop that covers the three T\u2019s to saying \u201cYES\u201d <\/strong>on your own term in detail.\u00a0\u00a0 With these 3 T\u2019s, you will be able to navigate through various scenarios with ease and professionalism.\u00a0\u00a0 Please contact me if you are interested in more information about these workshops.<\/p>\n

<\/em><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

Conventional wisdom suggests taking control of your list and to start saying \u201cNO\u201d to things.\u00a0 But, saying \u201cNo\u201d to things is dodging the ball. Spending time and energy dodging and evading keeps you in the same place. \u00a0Just like the game \u201cdodgeball\u201d, the more you dodge the more you attract balls to evade.\u00a0 \u00a0It doesn\u2019t really make time, space or energy for other things.\u00a0\u00a0 You haven\u2019t really accomplished much in that amount of time.\u00a0 You\u2019ve just spent the time saying \u201cNO\u201d to more things.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo\u201d is a defensive tactic.\u00a0 It is a strategy fueled by the attitude of scarcity, of \u201cnot enoughness\u201d, of lack.\u00a0\u00a0 There\u2019s not enough time, there\u2019s not enough me, I can\u2019t do it all, I can\u2019t, I can\u2019t, I can\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0 and \u201cI Can\u2019t\u201d is a defeatist attitude. \u00a0So \u2013 in essences, we spending time and energy \u201ccreating a defeat\u201d.\u00a0 In my mind, \u00a0that doesn\u2019t make much sense.<\/p>\n

A more beneficial attitude is one of \u201cabundance\u201d, I am capable, there is enough time for everything that matters.\u00a0 This can be done.\u00a0 It may be a lot to do, but it is doable.\u00a0 I have an abundance of time, talent and resources at my disposal.\u00a0 And it doesn\u2019t have to be done all at once or all by me.<\/p>\n

“Yes” on your own terms:<\/strong><\/p>\n

I like the idea of saying “yes” under your own terms.\u00a0\u00a0 Everything that crosses our paths “normally” has value.\u00a0 I’m not a big supporter of “saying no” to things JUST because you feel that you don’t have time.\u00a0\u00a0If those items do not support your overall goals\u00a0or paths — definitely hand it off to someone that it’s more of a match to.\u00a0\u00a0 But\u00a0there are also techniques on “how to have our cake and eat it too”.\u00a0 There are ways to say “yes” — by perhaps streamlining the task, delegating, delaying and combining with something else, or tuning into the pure “essence” — the actual “why I would do this\/value”\u00a0versus the explicit task.\u00a0 In my opinion — the important thing is to accomplish the “essence” or to figure out the “value” of the thing being done (or asked of you).\u00a0\u00a0 Often times the “essence” can be done with a lot less effort and time — if you don’t focus on a specific task or action item — but on the “real value” or the why your wanting the results that your trying to accomplish.<\/p>\n

Although this isn\u2019t rocket science, it does take some practice to become comfortable saying \u201cyes\u201d in this way.\u00a0\u00a0 Imagine some of the following scenes and create some on your own.\u00a0\u00a0 Practicing your \u201cYes\u201d responses to your typical scenarios will help you proactively prepare for them.\u00a0 Some examples are below.<\/p>\n

Some script dialogue to help prepare for various scenes:<\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Yes \u2013 I would love to help you on this.\u00a0\u00a0 I want to give you the time and attention that this really deserves.\u00a0\u00a0 Let me check my calendar.\u00a0 Yes \u2013 I have an hour over lunch next Wednesday. \u00a0Is an hour enough time to brainstorm on this?<\/li>\n
  2. Yes \u2013 I realize that you\u2019ve been trying to get connect with me on that fundraiser matter.\u00a0 I am interested.\u00a0 I\u2019m on my way to another meeting \u2013 but we\u2019ll both be at Saturday\u2019s soccer game.\u00a0 Let\u2019s commit to sitting next to each other and discuss it then.<\/li>\n
  3. Yes \u2013 I see that this is important to you.\u00a0 While this doesn\u2019t quite fit in my individual development goals, current project lists or my target client base, I may know someone that is a perfect match for this.\u00a0 Joanne Smith is working on a similar profile.\u00a0 I think her project is a better match for your idea and I know her very well.\u00a0 Her number is xxx-xxxx.\u00a0 In fact, she will be at a general meeting on Thursday at 8:00am at Bear Rock Caf\u00e9. \u00a0If you attend that meeting, I can introduce you to her at that time.<\/li>\n
  4. Yes \u2013 I can see that you\u2019re frustrated by this situation.\u00a0 I do regret the procedures we have to follow around here.\u00a0 I know they may come off as ridiculous for those lucky enough not to have to work in this type of industry every day.\u00a0 Is there a particular the restrictions or policies that you have a question before we go any further?\u00a0 My overall intention is to make you a happy customer \u2013 even if it\u2019s not at my store. I can see by your specifications that our product is not a good match for you.\u00a0 I think you\u2019ll be much happier with this manufacturer.\u00a0\u00a0 Let me goggle their contact information for you.<\/li>\n
  5. Yes \u2013 that is a great project for you.\u00a0 I recommend your next step to work up a business proposal with marketing trends and income\/expense forecasting.\u00a0 Mary Jane is great at mentoring folks that are setting up their own project plans.\u00a0 She mentioned that her last prot\u00e9g\u00e9 is off starting their own business.\u00a0 And she is looking for a new mentoring opportunity.\u00a0\u00a0 If you want, I can setup a meeting between the two of you \u2013 see if you guys hit it off.<\/li>\n
  6. Yes \u2013 boss, I can do this.\u00a0 Let me make sure I understand your expectations.\u00a0 You have me already working on these other 4 projects.\u00a0 Help me understand the right priority on this list. Where does this new request fit?\u00a0 Before this one?\u00a0 Ah \u2013 as soon as possible.\u00a0 Okay —\u00a0 to me, as soon as possible means, completing my current task (which you wanted done by Thursday).\u00a0 Is that your understanding as well?\u00a0 Ah \u2013 okay \u2013 you want me to stop all work on my current task and do this instead. Great \u2013 placing this task here will push the completion date on this one out until next Wednesday.\u00a0\u00a0 Is this okay with the other stakeholders of this project or did you want to assign it to someone else?<\/li>\n
  7. Yes, Joe \u2013 I agree with you that someone does need to meet with your employee regarding his progress on the website.\u00a0 I\u2019ve gotten several complaints from my crew that Randy hasn\u2019t been responsive to their requests.\u00a0 I\u2019ve also tried to contact him myself.\u00a0 But he has not been responsive to my emails or telephone messages. \u00a0Can you assign someone from your team that has some influence over him to find out what\u2019s going on?\u00a0 OR can you assign someone else from your team to fulfill that part of the contract?<\/li>\n
  8. It\u2019s 4:30pm and the boss just handed you something to look at and says to you, \u201cHere\u2019s something to look at.\u00a0 Have a good weekend\u201d.\u00a0 \u201cGreat!\u00a0 I look forward to reviewing it on Monday.\u00a0 You have a great weekend as well. \u201c\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0Just because the boss hands something to you on Friday at 4:30pm doesn\u2019t always mean he needs it done before you leave.\u00a0 It could just mean that he wanted off \u201chis desk\u201d before the weekend — to make himself feel free and have a relaxing weekend.\u00a0 Don\u2019t assume.\u00a0 And if you are going to assume \u2013 assume the benefit of the doubt to other.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Conclusion<\/strong><\/p>\n

    We all get interrupted and distracted.\u00a0 Interruptions will constantly flow our way.\u00a0 Saying “no” to them is like\u00a0trying to dodge them in a quick flowing stream.\u00a0\u00a0When we spend time and energy dodging something, we are typically\u00a0spending much energy to stand in the same area place.\u00a0 Instead, take advantage of the interruption.\u00a0 Hop onto the interruptions that are going your way, ride it for a little while until it goes off course, and then hop on the next one, next one, next one —\u00a0until you’ve accomplished your\u00a0current destination.\u00a0 Treat the interruption as a wave propelling you forward to your next adventure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Undoubted you’ve heard the advice “Just Say No” to things when you’re feeling overwhelmed. In actuality, saying “no” to life and its opportunities is a resistive, defensive and negative attitude producing additional stress. This stress management presentation shares fun, practical and life-changing tips on ways to say “YES” to things — on your own terms.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1508,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,6,1,855,849,850],"tags":[39,33,64,110,1370,275],"class_list":["post-5173","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-leadership","category-communications","category-miscellaneous","category-pmbok-process-executing","category-team-leadership","category-organizational-leadership","tag-best-practices","tag-common-sense","tag-communication","tag-getting-things-done","tag-leadership","tag-project-manager"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5173","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1508"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5173"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5173\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5173"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5173"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5173"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}