{"id":5014,"date":"2010-09-28T08:09:04","date_gmt":"2010-09-28T15:09:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=5014"},"modified":"2010-09-27T08:09:37","modified_gmt":"2010-09-27T15:09:37","slug":"setting-expectations-a-positive-defense-against-moochers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=5014","title":{"rendered":"Setting expectations: A positive defense against moochers"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"from<\/a>In an ironic turn of events, a friend of mine recently boasted about how good he is with his money in hopes of persuading me to lend him some money.\u00a0 He proudly admitted that he regularly mooches off friends in order spend as little as possible.\u00a0 From personal experiences with him, I know this to be very true. I also thought this was a remarkable argument to adopt in order to borrow money.<\/p>\n

Even so \u2013 it got me thinking\u2026.<\/p>\n

Today\u2019s economy is certainly making most people anxious. Many folks think twice about spending funds and are on the lookout for \u201cdeals\u201d.\u00a0\u00a0 In these desperate times, the positive frugal, thrifty and cautious nature can be taken a tad too far.\u00a0 Without knowing, this singular cost-conscious attention morphs turns to mooching or taking advantage of friends and family.<\/p>\n

Friends and family will certainly try to understand your situation for a short time.\u00a0 But we all are living in the same economical situation.\u00a0 Eventually, friends will have had enough.\u00a0 Eventually resentment will set in and you may run out of friends.<\/p>\n

The other side of the trap is the “giving (enabler) friend”.\u00a0 This is just as dangerous as the “moocher”.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We often let this pass because they are our friends and we want to seem helpful.\u00a0 The result is that we’ve trained them to continuously come back to us for more assistance instead of standing on their own two feet.\u00a0 It’s the yin-yang of the equation.\u00a0 Without giving-enablers, there would be no moochers.<\/p>\n

A good defense against falling into either side of this trap\u00a0 is reciprocation.\u00a0 Reciprocity refers to responding to a positive action with another positive action. \u00a0\u00a0Reciprocation is a visceral, tactile and tangible token of appreciation.\u00a0 The reciprocation does not have to be quid pro quo or of equal monetary value.\u00a0 It just needs to be deemed of positive value to the recipient (versus just something you are willing to give).\u00a0 Your offer and their perception of the value need to match. Otherwise it won’t work as designed.\u00a0\u00a0It won’t register\u00a0as\u00a0a valuable token of appreciation.<\/p>\n

This works no matter which side of the fence you are standing (the giver or receiver) because at the end of the day, you will be both (the giver and the receiver).\u00a0 You both will be standing on equal ground.<\/p>\n

Some ideas could be:<\/p>\n

1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Barter of service of equal value<\/p>\n

2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Take (ask for) them to dinner or lunch<\/p>\n

3)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Offer (or ask for) to do chores or other service<\/p>\n

4)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Send (or ask for) customers their way to assist with their business<\/p>\n

5)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Consider other actions that bring them additional funds like marketing and advertising their wares, services, etc.<\/p>\n

6)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Publish their articles, coupons, interviews on your websites, other social media or press releases<\/p>\n

7)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Give (or ask for) gift certificates or token of appreciation<\/p>\n

8)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Send them a heart-felt card, flowers or surprise<\/p>\n

9)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Give (or ask for) gift of time (things that gives them more time with their family, spouse, hobby or quite time).<\/p>\n

If you don’t know what they feel is of equal value — just ask them before taking\/giving help.\u00a0\u00a0If you can’t provide that level of reciprocation, don\u2019t feel obligated or guilty.\u00a0 This just means that this isn’t the right person for you and you should not accept\/give help.\u00a0\u00a0 This is not a bad thing.\u00a0 This just means that your needs do not match.\u00a0\u00a0 AND now you know this upfront.\u00a0 No harm done.\u00a0 It takes the guess work out of it, reduces misunderstandings and avoids bad feelings.<\/p>\n

Do not worry.\u00a0 There will be someone out there that is a perfect match.\u00a0 Now that this person understands your needs and what you can provide in trade \u2013 ask their advice on what your next steps should be.\u00a0 This person may either know of a better match or can pass along the word.<\/p>\n

Conclusion:<\/strong>
\nThe concept of\u00a0 \u201cgoing to the well to often\u201d is true.\u00a0 If you don\u2019t do anything to cultivate and care for it, eventually the well will go dry.\u00a0\u00a0 Many people need some that type of visceral, tactile and tangible gratitude.\u00a0\u00a0 Without that, even the most loyal of friends will hit a threshold.<\/p>\n

Because you do not want to burn bridges to those you really admire and respect, get into the habit of offering\/asking friends something in return for the help (no matter what side of the help you are on).\u00a0 If they refuse reciprocation, that’s their choice and your next step is clearer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today\u2019s economy is certainly making most people anxious. In these desperate times, the positive frugal, thrifty and cautious nature can be taken a tad too far. Without knowing, this singular cost-conscious attention morphs turns to mooching or taking advantage of friends and family. Use this tips to avoid being either the moocher or the enabler.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1508,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,7,6,1,854,855],"tags":[195,39,64,1370,275,54],"class_list":["post-5014","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-leadership","category-goals","category-communications","category-miscellaneous","category-pmbok-process-planning","category-pmbok-process-executing","tag-accountability","tag-best-practices","tag-communication","tag-leadership","tag-project-manager","tag-soft-skills"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5014","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1508"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5014"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5014\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5014"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5014"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5014"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}