{"id":4997,"date":"2010-12-07T08:55:18","date_gmt":"2010-12-07T15:55:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=4997"},"modified":"2010-11-23T09:58:54","modified_gmt":"2010-11-23T16:58:54","slug":"interrupting-is-a-two-way-street","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/?p=4997","title":{"rendered":"Interrupting is a two way street."},"content":{"rendered":"

Everyone has\"by<\/a> complained about being interrupted.\u00a0 People have interrupted our conversations, our tasks, even physically (i.e. being cut in line, in traffic, beepers, texting, instance messaging).<\/p>\n

On the other hand, everyone has interrupted.\u00a0 Everyone does it.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

In either case, the interruptee (person being interrupted) may be allowing or enabling this behavior.\u00a0 Before we discuss how we can \u201cinterrupt\u201d this behavior in general, let\u2019s examine why it\u2019s so prevalent.<\/p>\n

On the average, we speak at the rate of 125-150 words per minute.\u00a0 We can comprehend and listen at the rate of 600 words per minute. This means that our minds are underutilized by a factor of 4-5 when listening to others.\u00a0 Therefore, it\u2019s a struggle to keep our minds on topic.\u00a0 Often times, we hear one or two phrases of the conversation and we jump ahead to a solution or experience that happened to us.\u00a0 We\u2019re quick to share our experience and expertise before we realize that this wasn\u2019t really the focus of conversation.\u00a0 Because of our boredom, we inadvertently created a tangent and separate conversation (either in our heads or out loud).<\/p>\n

Our society also supports and encourages this lifestyle.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Not only do our minds work at a faster rate, other things are happening just so fast these days.\u00a0 With the internet, cell phones, texting, beepers, and instant messaging \u2013 information is constantly streaming at us, for us and by us.\u00a0 Even our interruptions are interrupted. \u00a0 This situation is so normal for us, that we call it\u00a0 \u201cmulti-tasking\u201d.<\/p>\n

Because interrupting comes so natural to us, we may not even notice that we\u2019re doing it.<\/p>\n

People interrupt us (and us, them) for many reasons:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. They \u00a0need our help<\/li>\n
  2. They \u00a0want attention<\/li>\n
  3. They \u00a0are bored with the current conversation<\/li>\n
  4. They feel we are wasting their time<\/li>\n
  5. They want to distract the group away from the original specific topic, goal, or issue for some reason.<\/li>\n
  6. They may be a little arrogant.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Sometimes we feel we have really good reasons to interrupt others:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. We only have a limited amount of time to accomplish something<\/li>\n
    2. The discussion has drifted off topic we think is important and we need to get it back on topic<\/li>\n
    3. They interrupted us \u201cfirst\u201d.<\/li>\n
    4. We need help and need it quickly.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      True story<\/strong> — but everyone has one very similar.<\/p>\n

      I actually had a well-meaning friend pester me into telling him “what was wrong – and why are you shutting down and not talking to me about it”.\u00a0\u00a0 No sooner than I started to explain what I was feeling, he starts to interrupt to explain why I should not be feeling that way.\u00a0 I interrupted back, “Now LOOK!\u00a0 You pestered me into telling you what I’m feeling right now.\u00a0 The least you can do is allow me to finish BEFORE you tell me I’m wrong<\/strong> for feeling this way”.<\/em><\/p>\n

      Everyone does it.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

      Interrupting isn\u2019t necessarily\u00a0 \u201cbad\u201d or \u201cwrong\u201d.\u00a0 It can actually be a natural part or flow of a conversation (i.e. friends or spouses completing each others’ sentences or even speaking in short hand).\u00a0 Even so it can be distracting, especially if the interruption causes you to lose your train of thought.<\/p>\n

      The good news is that there are appropriate ways to interrupt and to set the stage to reduce interruptions.<\/p>\n

      1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Set the proper expectations for the upcoming interchange.<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. As you start your meeting, set the stage with the purpose and goal of the meeting.\u00a0 Announce upfront that you if you see the discussion go off target, that you may be interrupting to get us back on goal.\u00a0 Then say, \u201cExcuse me \u2013 but we\u2019ve gotten ourselves off target.\u00a0 Let\u2019s add that to our Parking Lot list and schedule a more appropriate meeting time for that discussion.\u201d<\/li>\n
      2. Very similar advice if it is in a personal setting: Before you start your story, just set the ground rules.\u00a0 Let people know that it\u2019s a long but very interesting tale.\u00a0 Verify that your audience has the time (and inclination) to listen.\u00a0 Maybe even ask that they bear with you, as you outline your problem, issue, or situations.\u00a0 After you\u2019re able to focus on getting all the details out (without distractions), then folks will have the opportunity to comment and advise. This way, people will hold their comments and questions until the end.<\/li>\n
      3. At the beginning of your interchange, identify this is an \u201cinformational, one-way monologue\u201d, or a conversational dialogue.\u00a0 Tell people exactly what you need from them.\u00a0 This works in both a professional or personal climate.\u00a0 A personal example: \u00a0\u201cGuys \u2013 I just need to vent on this, I\u2019m not asking for advise or recommendations.\u00a0 I just need to let off some steam. I just need to feel angry right now.\u00a0 I know I\u2019m not at the right place to listen to ideas or solution.\u00a0 And perhaps hearing advice right now will send me over the edge.\u00a0 I just need to vent to someone.\u00a0 Do you mind being here for me and allowing me to just vent?\u201d Or \u201cI need to practice this on someone to see how it sounds out loud.\u00a0 Can you just listen for a moment?\u201d\u00a0 This blocks well-meaning friends from interrupting to offer their suggestions or reasons why you should not be feeling the way you are feeling right now.**<\/li>\n
      4. Unsolicited advice is rarely appreciated.\u00a0 Ask people what they need from you.\u00a0 This is a two-way street.\u00a0\u00a0 If you understand their intentions, you won\u2019t be unknowingly interrupting them.<\/li>\n
      5. If you\u2019re conversing in short-hand, make sure everyone in the group understands the language.<\/li>\n
      6. If you are on-line chatting, maybe agree to use some signal like OO\u00a0 (over and out) when you are done.\u00a0 That may give the receiver a clue that you\u2019re still composing the answer or has been otherwise distracted.<\/li>\n
      7. Even on the phone (because you cannot see their body language and expression), it\u2019s difficult to determine if your friend has completed, has been interrupted or is merely in mid-thought.\u00a0\u00a0 One recommendation is to pause (stay silent) longer until you are clear on their intentions.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Lead by example<\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Ask your friends to help you \u201cstop interrupting\u201d.\u00a0 Have a secret and visible code among your friends that if you un-intentionally interrupted someone, have them pull their ear, or tap their nose, or comb their hair back or something visual that clues you.\u00a0 Then quickly apologize, \u201cI just realized that I interrupted you, please continue.\u00a0 You were saying about \u2026.\u201d\u00a0 Your friends may think this is so cool \u2013 that they ask you to do the same thing for them.<\/li>\n
        2. If you witness someone interrupting PersonA, interject that, although you are confident that their thought is important, that you would like \u201cPersonA\u201d to be able to finish their story.<\/li>\n
        3. If someone is constantly interrupting you, then you know ahead of time that they will probably interrupt you today.\u00a0 So, set the proper expectations before you start your story.\u00a0 And make a mental note to keep silent during their story.<\/li>\n
        4. To curb your \u201cinterrupting tendencies\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 (we all have them), practice active listening skills.\u00a0 Stay focused on their topic by rephrasing what they are say in your own words to validate that you are understanding what they are trying to convey.\u00a0 Since our minds track faster than we speak, this will keep your mind focused on mindful-listening versus chatty responding.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Conclusion:<\/strong><\/p>\n

          As technology continues to advance, information and data will continue to come at us.\u00a0\u00a0 Since we are biologically engineered to comprehend much faster than we can speak or type, our minds will often wander between the gaps.\u00a0\u00a0 Interrupting (via personal interjections or technical interruptions like texts, cell phones, chats) have become part of our daily routine and therefore our default mode.\u00a0\u00a0 But just because the interruption is happening \u201cnow\u201d \u2013 does not mean that it is urgent or even important.\u00a0 It just means that the interruption is occurring \u201cnow\u201d.\u00a0 And that is all it means.<\/p>\n

          Be deliberate in how you respond to people and their actions (versus in default mode).<\/p>\n

          Using the above recommendations can give you better control on where you spend your energy and attention.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

          Everyone has complained about being interrupted. People have interrupted our conversations, our tasks, even physically (i.e. being cut in line, in traffic, beepers, texting, instance messaging).
          \nOn the other hand, everyone has interrupted. Everyone does it. Find out why, and how to manage around it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1508,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,6,1,847,849],"tags":[39,33,64,17,275,54],"class_list":["post-4997","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-time-management","category-communications","category-miscellaneous","category-self-leadership","category-team-leadership","tag-best-practices","tag-common-sense","tag-communication","tag-lessons-learned","tag-project-manager","tag-soft-skills"],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4997","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1508"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4997"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4997\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4997"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4997"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/svapm.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4997"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}