We complain.\u00a0 Oh, not you, of course, just those other knuckleheads.<\/p>\n
At work, our complaints sound like \u2026 \u201cBill\u2019s cluttered workspace drives me nuts!\u201d, \u201cI wish Mary would stand up for herself, she makes all us women look bad.\u201d, \u201cThe boss never says anything to the Sales guy when he\u2019s late to meetings, but he call me on the carpet every time. I hate favoritism.\u201d\u00a0 (Go on, recite your list of home-grown complaints to really get in the spirit!)<\/p>\n
If we aren\u2019t complaining about others, we complain about our selves: \u201cWhy do I keep saying \u2018yes\u2019 when I already have plenty to do?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m such a wimp. I just shut down when it even looks like an argument\u2019s brewing.\u201d \u201cEveryone expects an answer right away and I don\u2019t work well that way. But they stand there and pressure me and that just makes it harder for me to think.\u201d\u00a0 If it\u2019s not others or ourselves, then it\u2019s the system or the economy or something. \u201cDo you believe it? The bridge took my bumper out!\u201d<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t mind complaints<\/b>. I do mind hearing the same complaint over and over and over again. I mind because I don\u2019t like people to think they are victims.(There\u2019s probably some other deep-seeded psychological reason, but, hey, i only have so much space here! If I had more space, i could say even more profound things. Darn limitation!)\u00a0 Luckily, many years ago, a colleague introduced me to 3types of complaints which ended (not entirely, of course) my days as a victim and began my reign as a champion complainer. Here\u2019s what I learned.<\/p>\n
Type 1. Recreational complaint. <\/b>With this kind of complaint, there\u2019s no intention to change or solve anything. There\u2019s no request. \u00a0My father-in-law in AZ complains about the weather: \u201cIt\u2019s always blue skies. Our weather is boring!\u201d\u00a0 My friend in Oregon complains: It\u2019s another dreary day in Portland. I guess I\u2019ll get my umbrella and take a walk.\u201d No one takes these seriously. They can be annoying, but there\u2019s little harm in them. They are more a conversation starter, more akin to social grease.<\/p>\n
Type 2. Expressive complaint. <\/b>\u00a0Like the recreational complaint, there\u2019s no intention to change or solve anything. There\u2019s no request. \u201cI can\u2019t believe the new leader. He didn\u2019t even send our department an invitation to the all staff meeting. He told our manager we were probably too busy because it was tax time.\u201d There\u2019s danger in this kind of a complaint. If this is as far as the conversation goes, it leaves both parties discouraged and in a mood of being a victim. It sucks the life out of the relationship and possibility.<\/p>\n
Type 3. Committed<\/b> complaint. <\/b>Unlike the previous two types, this complaint includes a request for a change. \u201cI am sending a request by Friday to the CEO that no department is left out of any whole staff meeting.\u201d\u00a0 No victims here. Speaking that interrupts the drift of the status quo. By the way, if you are the listener of an expressive complaint, I invite you to ask the complainer, \u201cDo you have a request?\u201d \u00a0If they look at you funny, congratulations! \u00a0You\u2019ve interrupted the nattering! As a bonus, you may have been removed from the list of people to whom they complain. Hey, I just saved you 3 hours a week of energy-sucking time!<\/p>\n
<\/b>Complain committedly<\/b>. \u00a0Make a request, listen for the response, (accept, decline or counteroffer).\u00a0 Do this and you\u2019ll stop sounding like a victim and you\u2019ll start complaining like the champion I know you are \u2013 a champion who chooses \u201cmake it happen\u201d and kicks \u201cpoor me\u201d attitude to the curb.<\/p>\n
PS: Share the most awesome complaint you\u2019ve heard and I\u2019ll add it to my \u201cComplainers Wall of Champions\u201d!<\/p>\n